Cuffing Season is REAL as shit!

Note: These are ACTUAL texts and email quoted. Not trying to be messy. But...the truth makes for better stories than lies, right?

To cuff or not to cuff?
That is the question.

Urban Dictionary translates Cuffing Season as:

During the Fall and Winter months people who would normally rather be single or promiscuous find themselves along with the rest of the world desiring to be ‘cuffed’ or tied down by a serious relationship. The cold weather and prolonged indoor activity causes singles to become lonely and desperate to be cuffed.

Ex. Brittany: Why is everyone trying to holla at me this week, like outta nowhere?

     Tiara: You know  cuffing season is full effect, right?

     Brittany:  Oh yeah! You right. I know I wont be sleeping alone this weekend!

Anyway, you get it.

LOL

Not sure if this story is about cuffing or not, but it damn sure made me think about how serious it REALLY fucking is! Damn.

So, Ive just had a break up. Well, it happened mid-June. Its STILL fresh to me. Kiss my ass. I'm still tryna deal with it. Kinda. I was in love. That feeling doesn’t go away overnight. At least to me, it doesn’t.

Ive been doing a lot to keep myself busy. I think I do fun things.

After a great night of fun in the streets this past weekend, on my way to ONE last bar, I bump into a group of friends of the ex (one of them was male—he had the most chatter for me). I haven’t seen said friend in almost a year. So, we hug it out. Ask brief ‘what you been up to’s’ and we head our separate ways. (I'm not about all that extra chit chat cuz I don’t know where its going to go or how its gonna perceived. Or maybe cuz I was buzzy as shit and I didnt want my high to be blown. *shrug* So what? I like a few drinks on occasion.)

Anyway…a day later I get a hit on IG about contacting him. I ignored it the first time. Got that same message again, I sent him an email that I think his IG got hacked and he should check it out.

LOL (I'm so fucking naïve)

He says no. He meant for it to reach me cuz he wanted to ask me something. SIGH  

After a few emails here and there, he asks for my number. He texts me. We on the chitter chatter for a few hours. THEN it came out! SMH He says ‘A little birdy told me that you aren’t with Jayson anymore ‘(Fuck it, I still need to keep shit anonymous, right. Lots of petty fucks in these streets) ‘If its true, I see that as being in my favor cuz I been digging you since I met you’ (Remember, I met this man ONCE a year ago—Ok.) I roll my eyes at my phone. Then I respond, ‘Oh yeah? I told that birdy to keep its mouth shut. SMH Damn Stool Pigeon (I'm TRYING to keep it Kosher. A defense/deflection mechanism of mine) He laughs ‘LOL’ I say, ‘I guess that is convenient for you. Thank you tho. I'm flattered’ He says, ‘Youre welcome. Is this interest mutual?’

FUCK. MY. LIFE. AND. HIS!

I respond, ‘Ummm…we JUST broke up. I haven’t thought about dating/screwing/chilling/being a side chick AT ALL. See? That birdy shoulda kept its mouth shut. I'm not Jayson. He’s a bird. I'm not. Sorry. ’His response, ‘’JUST’?? I was led to believe that its been a few months since y'all broke up. Define ‘just’ This week? Last week?”

GTFOH!! I call him immediately, cuz I know how the power of the screen shot works and I'm NOT about that life! He doesn't answer my call. Typical. Bold on the keys but not by voice. Fuck it. I was a little upset. I mean, IS the Guy Code real or what? I mean, I know Jayson don’t REALLY have GOOD friends. *shrug* Maybe he's an associate of his. Either fucking way, I felt like Jayson MAY HAVE given like some green light authority over MY relationship status. What the fuck is that?? Whatever. This is how I felt and it was pissing me off. SMH I still don’t get it…whatevs.

So, I email him. And I kindly said:

‘Sorry, but I can't help but to feel a little disrespected right now. So, I would appreciate it if u not contact me anymore.
If I see you in public, I would never be rude. That's not how I am.

Please take what you offer to those fatherless bitches that don't know their worth and need free tickets and passes to validate them. (Cuz he offered me free passes to shows and movie tickets via his company #nshit. I wonder if I look like I cant afford a movie?? Mind boggling.)

I'm good.
I'll pass. Thanks but no thanks.

And remember, again, that those 'birdies' don't know shit. They will say whatever to get more seed.’

He responds, ‘You are taking this totally the wrong way. But OK.’

Fuck him.

I probably am taking it too far, but I just feel like, he don’t know my emotions. What the fuck I look like just jumping into that man’s/bed arms and he's that OTHER man's ‘friend’??

I know a lot of women thrive off of that. Not me. I may have done some fucked up things in my life, but no…that will never be anything that will make me proud. EVEN if he was SeanMuthafuckingCombs!! I have a daughter that I'm trying to raise to make sure that shes no Deer Park Heaux. I have to lead by example.

ANYDAMNWAY, no judgement to those that thrive off the cuff.  When I'm a heaux, I'm a good heaux. I don’t need seasonal changes to make me worthy. Cuff on that. *rolls eyes*

Eh. Why not?

Jay-Z ft Justin Timberlake-Holy Grail

http://youtu.be/4tc5hwoSk9g

Enjoy.

Shout Out Tuesday

My creativity is on blocker status as of late.
So, I will share with you a few pages/sites/videos/news that bring joy to my life.
Enjoy!

One of my favorite blogs:  http://jeandegrate.blogspot.com/  Follow him on Twitter: @JeanDeGrate

Dope Tumblr page:  http://flawlessham.tumblr.com/  Follow her on Twitter:  @iamhusk

Just found out that Janelle Monae is gonna be at the Lincoln Theatre October 14!!!!!!!http://www.thelincolntheatre.org/events.cfm?eventID=169

Here is where she will be throughout the rest of the country

OCTOBER
13 Philadelphia, PA Electric Factory
14 Washington, DC Lincoln Theatre
16 Boston, MA House of Blues
18 Montreal, QC Olympia Theatre
19 Toronto, ON Kool Haus
21 Chicago, IL Vic Theatre
22 Minneapolis, MN Skyway Theater
24 Englewood, CO Gothic Theatre
25 Salt Lake City, UT In The Venue
29 Portland, OR Roseland Theater
30 Seattle, WA Showbox SoDo

NOVEMBER
1 San Francisco, CA Warfield Theatre
2 Los Angeles, CA Club Nokia @ L.A. Live
5 Anaheim, CA House of Blues
6 San Diego, CA House of Blues
7 Phoenix, AZ The Crescent Ballroom
9 Dallas, TX House of Blues
12 Austin, TX Austin City Limits Live @ The Moody Theater
13 Houston, TX House of Blues
15 Kansas City, MO Uptown Theater
17 Nashville, TN Ryman Auditorium
19 Raleigh, NC The Ritz
20 Charlotte, NC The Fillmore Charlotte
22 Orlando, FL Hard Rock Live
23 Miami Beach, FL Fillmore Miami Beach @ The Jackie Gleason Theatre
26 Atlanta, GA The Tabernacle

Here is her latest single with Miguel…SWOONS!    http://youtu.be/d5ewB-o5N9A

I'm not a Prince Stan. At all. BUT the chatter of his new Twitter page AND the cover art for his new single is pretty much EVERYTHING to me right now.

This is from The Huffington Post:  http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/08/19/prince-breakfast-can-wait-cover-art_n_3778923.html?utm_hp_ref=mostpopular

WE MISS YOU, BOO!!!

 

THESE ARE FOR YOU, BOO!

WE MISS YOU DOWN AT THE JOB. YOU KNOW WHO THE 'WE' ARE!!

WE HOPE YOU ARE FEELING BETTER AND TAKING ADVANTAGE OF THIS TIME OFF SO YOU CAN BLESS US WITH THE GREATNESS THAT IS YOU!!

 

SEE YOU SOON!

-ME AND SHE

 

BYE BOO! BYE!!

Because Laughter IS Healthy

Here are a few things that popped up on my FB timeline today, that I (EMPHASIS ON I) thought were HEEFUCKINGLARIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I owe it to the people that I follow for these jewels. I'm sure I wouldn't have to dig TOO far for them, but still, gotta give credit where its due!

Enjoy!

Action Bronson at the Old Folks Home
http://youtu.be/QS-c9757LY0

Russell Simmons' Harriet Tubman Sex-Tape
http://madamenoire.com/291346/russell-simmons-launches-new-youtube-channel-with-clip-harriet-tubman-sex-tape-and-yes-its-a-mess/

Dollhouse that is a Crackhouse
http://www.baltimorefishbowl.com/stories/a-baltimore-themed-dollhouse-complete-with-drugs-guns-and-prostitutes/

When I tie my head...

I'm strength.
I'm my ancestors.
I'm protected.

This is how I feel. This is what I see and it IS what I KNOW.

What YOU see,
is one of 'those naturals' or
A lazy person or
A trend.

When you see ME,
Know that I am unmatched.
I cannot be approached with ignorance.
I am not of or like anyone else.

Know this and never forget it.
(That was the DEEP me)

 

With that said, let me share with you what happened to me the other day.
SMDH

I tied my baldy up Friday.

Yeah. For those of you that don’t know me, I don’t have any hair.
Well, I do.
Maybe just enough to pinch,though.

Anyway, I stop by 7-11 for a Slurpee and beef patty before I hit the Metro (sleep on those patties if you want to, but they are better than Negril, in my opinion).

Walking towards the escalator, I'm approached by my fellow brown brother (I think he was from El Salvador).

He was drunk as a skunk. Just all pink in the face.

SIGH
He approaches me. I start eating my patty.

He said that he saw me walking towards 7-11 and made a dua (Islamic for prayer) that if I came back his way, he was going to speak to me.

 

So, in all of his drunken glory, and cuz I'm not an asshole cuz I KNOW how drunks don’t like to be ignored, I listen to him.
It was quite entertaining to say the least.

 

First, he says that he KNOWS I'm Muslim from my head wrap. SIGH

Second, he said that Allah sent him to speak to me because he PRAYED for this moment. *rolls eyes*

He goes on and on about himself (in all of 5 minutes, mind you). Along with it that he has been married/divorced twice (with wedding band still on) and that he needs to be my man to protect me because that is what the Quran says and that he KNOWS that I'm in need of protection.

LAWD!

With slurred tongue and unsteady balance, he recites verses to me (I don’t know Arabic, but I'm sure he was correct). *shrug*

Finally,just saying that he needs to, at THAT moment take me to save me because my eyes tell it all (I was watching to make sure the spit he was spewing didn’t hit my damn face).

SHIT!

Now, like I said, I was entertained. But grew irritated, quickly. (I finished my patty)

He asked me, finally, what was it that I wanted from him because he can do it (as he reaches into his pocket to pull out his wallet).

Fuck. MY. Life!!!!!!!
I say to him, in the most gentle tone I have, that I would kindly like to get past him and get on the train to make it home to my baby girl.

I excuse myself and dip.

 

No. He didn’t call me a bitch as I walked away. He just said ‘damn’.
I guess he liked my pancake in my jeans (which were SUPER cute, by the way).

*shrug*

 

I don’t really know the point to this story. Ive lost focus.

 

Alejandro Jesus Ortiz bka Abdul Kareem Bilal dropped knowledge on me…with the smell of Tequila coming from his pores, who knew that would happen?

 

Ignorance is bliss, even coming from a drunk Muslim El Salvadorean with a fat ass wallet.

Damned if you do...

And SHIT if you don't.
SIGH
I think I hurt someone's feelings today.
No. I didn't apologize.

He was a dick about it.
He deserved it. I guess. SMH

A few nights ago, I got a random text from an old thang thang. Shocked.
Anyway, I haven’t talked to him in about 3 years. One of those, I was in a relationship.

Go figure…I’m single now. (THEY BE KNOWIN!!)

Meh.

He asked me out. I was surprised by the gesture. Well, not really, we had good times together. So, I agreed.

Today, I sent him a text to let him know that I renege on his offer…until after football season.

He was pissed. To say the least. *shrug*

See, this man LOVES football AND his team. SO much so, that a few seasons ago, we, along with 6 of his friends, were kicked OUT of a sports bar (they were losing and the owner was shit-talking).

For real.

To me, it was pretty extreme for something so slight. *shrug* But who am I? I don’t have a passion for sports like that. It almost makes me think he put up his rent money for the game or something. Shit. He probably did.

He is just an asshole during the season. Very mean spirited and crash. He used to say things to me that would hurt my feelings and I would do it back. SMH It just wasn’t cute. Kind of abusive. And I don’t play that shit. Been there and done that. I won’t do it again.

The situation is and was a blower. He is a good dude with extreme sensitivities. Anything sets him off. Sucks to be caught on the receiving end.

As respectfully as I could, I let him know that during football season, he is scary as fuck. That I am not in a place to deal with the dramatics. We can, if interested, hang after. If not, thats cool too.

He got butt hurt.
Called me a drunk lame and said that he should have never sought me out. *shrug* I didn’t respond cuz I knew it would go back and forth. So, he can have that. I hope it made him feel better.

Hurt people, hurt people, right? Oh well.

You! Yeah, YOU...

YOU GOT THE MESSAGE??
This goes out to all the people that I curse out on the daily who STILL don't understand.
So, again, I say
.
.
.
FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*photo credit to my amazingly nameless co-worker who gave me permission to post. Say hello to this lil nugget of greatness that is his newborn son. 7 weeks old and he already knows. I loves he!!

The Social Media Ring

DING! DING! DING! ARE YOU READDDDYYYYYY TO RUMMMMMBBBBLLLEEEEEEEEE!!!

I don’t know about y'alls timeline, but MINE be poppin!

*grabs tea to sit up under this shade*

The drama that is evoked over the innanets (Its INTERNETS. SMH) is enough to make you cringe. Like a terrible motorcycle accident, can’t turn your head away from cringe.

Because I am human and have a heart, I feel bad for those involved in these battles to the death. BUT because I AM human…I AM HERE FOR IT!! *adds a pack of Splenda *

The entertainment factor of it all, alone, keeps me at the edge of my seat. Some of the shit I've witnessed, I have ONLY seen on TV. Epic.

Now, I know it is not right. SMH I know it isn’t, but…SIGH…I need to do better. Shit. If I did, what the hell would I talk about at the dinner table??

Look y'all, most times its just not that serious. The passion and energy used to trump each other, only shows that deep down, you care about the person you are…ummm, have, EPICALLY SLANDERED TO DA GAWDS.

I don’t embarrass easily, but if I were any of the people who's battles I have seen on these here Twitter/Facebook/Instagram/Email lines…I think I would move.

For that reason alone, in a way, I admire the resiliency. Cuz only YOU know your truth. No matter how many screen shots and pics are used to justify/validate the argument. It takes a REAL bitch to handle slander with head held high.

#TeamBooshNation *Josaline Hernandez voice*

Bitch, I might be

Good ole Gucci.

I'm not really a fan, but my position at Ratchetta, Inc keeps me abreast in some of his greatness.

With that said, I am a lot of things.
Things that are unknown to others and obvious as fuck to the world.

So be it.
Who cares? I don't.

With that said, I am a lot of things, but I am NOT stupid.
My gut tells me everything and its never wrong. Don't try to sway these feelings with falsities. I'm not for it. Just take this 'L' and be great.

Kiss my ass!

*This post is to no one in particular, but to all who think that I am Boo Boo the Fucking Fool. Toss your change elsewhere.

GOODIE MOB HAS SPOKEN…

And I feel like I have just left the DEEPEST Khutbah (sermon) of my LIFE! *fans self with hijab*

Listen/watch and digest this greatness into your soul.

http://www.power1051fm.com/pages/onair/breakfast-club?mid=23551693

Shout out to, in my opinion, THE greatest morning show not in my state: The Breakfast Club of Power 105.1.

Oh! And they are on tour and will be hitting up a city near you:
http://www.concertboom.com/goodie-mob/tour-dates/  (I don't know anything about this site. They had the most accurate dates. Beware of spam)

DC/MD/VA(maybe)…at the 9:30 Club

http://www.930.com/event/306661-goodie-mob-ceelo-green-big-washington/

Let the force of dope music be with you.

TIT FOR TAT, YOU FUCKING MISERABLE RAT!

DON’T DO THAT SHIT WITH ME! EVER!

People who live like others owe them shit cuz of what they have done for them…SUCK ASS!

*rolls eyes* I feel my pressure going up cuz I just had to literally cuss someone out about that shit. Like, for real? What is YOUR deal, where you feel like your presence in MY world is of God-like status?

NO GAWD, YOU FUCKTARD. I don’t operate like that. Not in any sense of the word.

Check yourself AND your shit!

Brought to you by the letters, F and U. Figure it out.

The Goings Ons In The City and Beyond

THIS weekend and many more to come!
Enjoy!

Don't forget to share AND take a look at the ShowlistDC site for all the fun things going on in your hood.

See ya in dem streets!!

Gifts #nshit

To motivate me on this newly found venture of mine, the work boo bought this journal for me.

!!!!!!!!! (that's called excitement)

I wonder if she knew that blue is my favorite color...
*shrug* I've probably mentioned it before.
I'm sure.
Eh.
She's attentive like that!
THANKS, BOO!!!

My work boo is better than your!
*sticks out tongue and skips away*

Get Like Me...

No.
For real!
Looks like you've got yourself a hit Cornell Iral Haynes, Jr.
WHOOOOOP!! *pops, locks and drops in the desk chair*

Enjoy.

ALBUNDY-ITIS

**DISCLAIMER:  If anyone is offended by this post. The problem is you, not me. The truth shall set you free.**

Or sometimes called The Al Bundy Syndrome.

You know the show ‘Married. With Children?' If you don’t, you have been deeply deprived of great TV. No. Like, seriously, you have.  Well, if you haven’t. Sucks to be you.

We know his story.

The man who is married and miserable. Has rat ass kids and a job that he hates.

What he does have though, are his High School memories of greatness.
All the cool shit he did in his youth that he just KNEW would make him awesome as an adult.

But alas. It didn’t.

So, what does he do? He gets together with his homies once a week and reminisce on said cool shit that happened 100 years ago.

Here are a few shorts, of when THAT shit blows my life to oblivion and in turn, make me want to build a time machine so those of you afflicted with this disease can take yo ass back to your heyday.

*shudder*

Wait. This is how I feel about MEN with ALBUNDY-ITS aka Al Bundy Syndrome. I have never met a woman that does this. I only see that on TV.

1999. College days. Get over it.
Club U. LAWD!! Were those some good times. Like, EPIC. (Oh shit! I sound like them! *screams*)
After grabbing my usual plate of chicken, green beans and potato salad, it was time to hit the floor.  NEVER a bad time with Essence. Amazing.
Intermission. I post up stage right, in the cut. Catch a breath. Two-stepping to the DJ. Feeling my drink. LOL FEELING MY DRINK. Awesome.

A tap on my shoulder. And there he is. I’ll call him Donnell.  I could tell he was older. Like, mid 30’s maybe. Come to find out, he was 45.

SIGH I’m 21. Yeah. Whatevs.

He taps my shoulder and asks if he can buy me a drink. (Now, even as a broke student, where free drinks were/are the epitome of SCORE, I, was not the type. I knew the game of quasi-possession with the purchase of said drink.  Besides, he wasn’t that cute for me to be taking no drinks from. Ha!)

I decline the drink. He asks me to dance. I was already dancing, so, why not? *rolls eyes*

We dance.

We exchange numbers. (My girlfriends say I’m too nice). I leave to go to my group. He watches me walk away. In ALL of my amazing pancake ass glory. (I embrace it. Kiss my pancake assery if you don’t.)

He calls me a few days later. We talk. I’m not really interested. Cuz his voice sounded nasally. Like, he has a cold or something. (IT ALWAYS SOUNDED LIKE THAT) I was bored. I’m wondering if he could sense it, cuz he asks me right away if he can take me out. I agree. I was going home that weekend. No biggie.

He lived in Gaithersburg.  I’m from Mo County and I HATE Gaithersburg. Well, I like RIO, but I don’t really like anything else about it. And probably my interaction with him makes me hate it even more to this day.

Anyway, we go to dinner. Nothing spectacular. I’m 21. I’m not choosy. SIGH Throughout dinner, he talks and talks AND talks about…when he was my age running the streets of DC. At first, it’s interesting. Until I realize, after more conversations, over time, that THAT was all he had.

My God. 

Donnell shared stories of when he was a drug dealer. When his Adidas and Sergio Tacchini sweat suits were better than Rayful’s. How his Gucci shades shined so bright at Go-Go Live (Cap Center, 1987), wasn’t NOBODY gonna be in his way. When he boxed with Sugar Ray and showed him the serious fade. Shit like that.
Again, I am a Mo Co Hunny for life. His involvement in DC history didn’t faze me. I felt like he was busting nuts off of sharing this shit with me. I didn’t care. I don’t care…still.

In fact, I’m gonna stop this story here. Cuz I’m getting irritated thinking about it and I haven’t talked to him in years.

After Donnell, I really wanted to stay away from older men. I guess I couldn’t. I tried.

I will call this next patient, Shawn. SMH His prognosis was apparent from day 1.

I guess, because I was younger, maybe, telling me these anecdotes of his life were his way of impressing me. *rolls eyes ALL the way around* What. Thee fuck. Ever.
It wasn’t.
It’s not.
It made me look at him like he was having an early mid-life crisis episode and I am NOT here for it. His thing was High School. He LOVED High School. Said that it is where he came to be.  

Oh.

Like, Al Bundy for real, this fool was all about his Polk High days.
SIIIIIIIIIIIGH
How after transferring to a new school he was so popular. Homecoming King this.  Smooth Operator that. His car was fast like this. All the girls loved him that. Blah blah blah. Etc. etc. etc.

I choose not to get detailed with this man either. I’m liable to slip specifics and I don’t have enough in my bail account yet.

I have many older friends. They all share pieces of their pasts with me. No big deal. But it does not consume them like these 2 men did (and there are others, but I think yall are as bored with this as I am). I mean, WHAT are you doing now? Is there anything new in your life that is JUST as impressive from 20+ years ago? No? NOTHING??
SMH
Then keep your mouth shut. Cuz you look and sound stupid. Life moves forward. Not backwards. Just like sleep, you can’t play catch-up. Well, not unless you have money SO gatdamn long that drinking out the club or sleeping with every woman that walks or wearing skinny jeans at 50 or…shit, yall get the point.

Money makes fuckery, in my opinion, sometimes, excusable. *shrug*

Ask Sean Combs. Will Smith. Again, yall get it.

Anydamnways, I, personally, don’t like it. I don’t like bragadociousness from centuries ago.

Shit. I don’t like that shit at all. For anything. It’s just lame.
I especially cannot be turned on by Fred Flintstone antics. It just won’t work. Save those things for your kids and grand babies. They will appreciate it. NOT the pair of panties you are trying to ease off.
I’m rude. I will roll my eyes in your face and deflect said discomfort by buying YOU a drink, shaking your hand and walking away. Again, in ALL MY PANCAKE GLORY!

Guess what? I don’t care. I don’t care. I. DON’T. CARE *does the snake at each period*

I’m 34. My male friends are soon to or have already hit the age where they start to feel a way about life. Whatever the hell yall want to call it.

But let me tell yall, women, unless they are just some bucket head ass broads, do not find comb-overs with skinny jeans and tales of a lost youth attractive. Take my word for it. Just be yourself. You will get a lot more play that way. Unless you are married. Then…yall aren’t my problem or issue.

Homage to Donnell. Here is the Sergio link. They’ve got a HELLUVA sale going on.
Partake.
Reminisce. Or just look DAMN good in classic greatness.

http://www.sergiotacchini.com/en/index.php

So, yeah. Get it together. Be humble in your misery or find a hobby. One that will make you feel fulfilled so that in your newly found glory you can flourish. Greatly.

Drugs are bad. Real bad...Michael Jackson, BAD.

http://youtu.be/kgGzp77JSnM


This commercial was emailed to me this morning.

I will be perfectly honest with you.
I laughed.

Hard.
Why? Besides the fact that it IS funny?
Because I can’t relate. Alcoholism runs in my family. And the effects of each abuse are different. At least, I think so. *shrug*

I’m not gonna get all deep into that shit. Cuz we ALL have one in our family. It’s just the way life is. Addiction is real. Of ANY kind.

Soooo, yeah.
SIGH and SMH (SMH=shaking my head)

I killed my own vibe with this one. SMH

Fuck it.

Don’t do drugs.

In fact, don’t do ANYTHING in excess that you, deep down, know that you can’t handle. Shit gets real. And it will destroy you.

 

My PSA for today has been made.

Each one, teach one. Our future depends on it.